Here I am like almost a month after Cider Fest 2017, and I’m going to write a blog about Cider Fest 2017 – what a cheap ass bitch I am to hold you in the dark about an event like this. What kind of recollection am I even going to have about Cider Fest 2017 almost a month after Cider Fest 2017? God – why do I even do this blog? Well that doesn’t matter – CIDER FEST 2017 happened, and you deserve to know what it’s all about!!!

Here’s what you need to know about Cider Fests: Bring a fuck ton of apples with you, bring food, bring alcoholic beverages, and brave your way to Springville, NY. My award winning coworker Neal has a party every year, usually on the first weekend of November, to crush apples that have a sole purpose of becoming alcoholic beverages. He’s got an antique cider press that literally has a date stamped on it that almost predates the birth of goddamn Nikola Tesla.

The date on this thing is 1868 – Andrew Johnson was president – that Tommy Lee Jones looking bastard was the 17th president of the USA. Trump is the 45th – that shit is crazy to think about.

So we gather up, and start drinking. I brought the cider that came out of the pressings of last year – yeah 365 days prior. A whole keg of it.

The goal of the cider party is to cut, crush and press apples until everyone that brings apples has a carboy of apple cider to take home and turn into stuff to drink. With a press from 1868, that is NOT and easy task. This press is not automated, it’s not efficient, it’s not perfect – but it’s a lot of fun to use, and a great excuse to drink. You need to cut apples into smaller chunks of apples – quarters work best, then grind them down into a pulpy mass using the grinder that is part of the press.

Here is our assembly line – clean apples, cutting table and tubs of quartered apples.

The wheel ?  someone has to hand-crank that thing while someone else crams apples into the chute at the top – a grinder mechanism turns the apples into pulp and it’s quite the workout for all parties involved.

The crushed apples are ready to roll:

A wooden cap goes on the tub:

Then we crank the piston down manually – creating a glorious flow of nectar.

Yeah – apples squirt out the sides and get all over your patagonia jacket and puma sneakers, but this is how they did it in the 1800’s bitches – either you’re in it to win it, or go to goddamn Tops and get yourself some McKenzies you bastard.

Look at the stick that plunges the apples into the grinder – this thing has been used for every year that I’ve been a part of this party – (3 years) it’s magic.

Squirting apples made us move the party outside –   (squirting as high as 15 feet in the air) Look at Blue grabbing the freshest Apple Cider anyone could ever taste to have a little sipperoo- That stuff is amazing.

Crank that car girl –

I’m not going to lie-  it was so cold out this year, that the hose we usually use to hose everything down with was frozen solid – there was no easy way to hose everything down between runs – hosing stuff down is the best way to keep things sanitary and free flowing – This year was not as easy as previous years.

That being said – we went well into the night.

You can tell by our carboy fills to the left, that we were getting about 1.5-2 gallons per pressing, and had only done about 6 pressing at this point – it is very laborious and time consuming – but it is a lot of fun, so I absolutely don’t mind.

check out this dope picture: everyone was just trying to warm up – it was like 28 degrees – it was awful really.

this is what life is guys.

That being said, I walked away from Neal’s with a 2/3ds full carboy of cider – Neal didn’t get any from that day’s pressing, and it just goes to show that Neal is a goddamn gentleman. The camaraderie and the stories and the knowledge you get from a Cider Day at Neal’s is a priceless experience that most people will never experience. I will not touch the cider that I got from that party until Ciderfest 2018 – that’s how the ciderfest works. The clarity you get by letting the cider go a full year is a clarity that you just don’t get by bottling or kegging after a couple months – look at the 2016 cider – so clear:

was it a little musty from using a rickity-ass cider press that sits in a barn for 364 day out of the year? hell yes it is – but it’s not bad at all – it’s super drinkable, super clear, and super refined. I can’t wait to try 2017’s cider.

Thanks for hosting a great time Neal! Cold weather and all – it’s always a great experience.